White Wine Crazies

Josh arrived at the bar fifteen minutes early for his shift. He hung his jacket up and wrapped the company’s branded apron around his waist, tying the strings in a bow at the front. Connor arrived shortly afterwards. 

We’re going to be the highest-taking station tonight, Connor.’ 

‘Aren’t we always?’ Connor was still getting used to Josh’s work ethic and competitive streak. 

‘Let’s wipe the tables, clear any glasses and make our area clean.’ 

‘Isn’t that someone else’s job?’ 

‘People buy drinks at clean stations and the last thing clients want to think is they’re in a tap room.’ 

‘Evening, evening, evening!’ said Magnus, the bar manager. ‘Another good night from you two, please,’ he said. ‘Josh. Can we borrow your phone? Your playlist is great.’ 

He gave it to Magnus, who connected it to the bar’s amplifier and turned up the volume. 

Josh put two clean towels behind the bar. ‘Keep your hands clean and dry,’ he instructed. ‘It’s horrible when they’re sticky from drinks and spills.’ 

 He checked the fridges were full and the dispensers were working. Lastly, he checked the card readers and returned with two cups of tea. 

‘Good evening, Lindsey. Welcome to The Forge,’ Josh smiled. 

‘Hiya! Can I get a bottle of white wine and four glasses at the table behind?’ 

‘It’ll bring them over.’ 

Josh held the glasses upside down by the base, careful not to put on any fingerprints. He clipped the cooler bucket to the table edge and held the card reader out. Lindsey tapped her card and the machine beeped. 

‘Are we supposed to do table service?’ asked Connor. 

‘I think Magnus said top station six weeks running, not don't serve at tables. Think of the money, Connor!’ 

‘What do you do with yours?’ 

‘The tips pay my bills.’ 

‘Do you get asked out by any of these girls?’ 

Josh said nothing for a few seconds. ‘I dated one and it wasn’t pretty. He turned. ‘Yessir?’ 

‘Six pints of San Miguel, please.’ 

‘On their way.’ 

Marie joined Lindsay’s table. They squealed, hugged and air-kissed to avoid smudging their lipstick. 

‘Prosecco’s two bottles for forty tonight,’ Josh said. ‘Chardonnay’s three for ninety.’ 

The girls looked at each other. Marie answered. ‘Let’s do the Chardonnay.’ 

Josh returned with fresh glasses and two more ice buckets. He wiped the table, tapped a credit card and removed empty glasses. Marie held out two five-pound notes. 

‘One’s for you. The other’s for me, with your phone number on,’ she smiled.  

‘We’re not supposed to date clients.’ 

Marie rolled the fiver up and pushed it into his back pocket. 

‘He works at my gym,’ said a third. ‘His legs, bums and tums classes are packed.’ 

‘Maybe I should join,’ said Lindsey. 

‘Why’s he working here?’ questioned Marie. 

Connor wiped the spills and changed the hand towels. He used a lull to refill the fridges, moving the cold drinks to the front.  

Magnus appeared with two cups of tea. ‘Keep it going, lads. You’re doing great.’ He scanned the crowded bar. 

Marie danced her way across. ‘Can we get two trays of mixed snacks, Josh?’ 

‘On their way. And another bottle of Chardonnay?’ 

‘Make it two. Christelle’s been promoted.’ Marie pointed to a taller girl. 

‘Leave it with me.’ Josh used his employee card to tap the order into the EPOS till. It was faster and more accurate than fingers. 

‘You’re a handsome man,’ said Marie. The beard suits you. Where’s the Ladies?’ 

‘To your right and behind the screen. They’re gender neutral now.’  

Marie’s face changed. ‘Please! Where some guy’s peed over the floor!’ Her voice was exasperated. 

‘I’ll make sure they’re clean, Marie.’  

Josh radioed the front-of-house attendant, who mopped the bathrooms.  

Josh removed used glasses from the table and put down plates with napkins. A hand searched his bottom and a note was tucked into a pocket. 

‘Thank you.’ 

‘I’m Christelle.’ 

‘I know. Enjoy your evening, ladies.’ 

‘I’d enjoy having dinner with you.’ 

‘We’re not allowed. ‘Would you care for anything else? Maybe some ice for your wine?’ Josh smiled. Putting ice in cooled and diluted it. Bloody crazy! 

‘Here we go!’  

A group of men moved towards the table. The squadron leader made a bee-line for Lindsey. She was an attractive woman. His co-pilots latched on to Marie and Stella. A finger was lifted which Josh acknowledged.  

‘Sir?’ 

‘A bottle of whatever these ladies are drinking and three Peronis.’ 

Josh returned with a tray, cleared the empties, wiped the surface and removed the food plates. The man tapped a card. 

‘Looks like he’s in,’ said Connor. 

‘We’ll see. She gets a couple of phone numbers and a few drinks most evenings. He gets a pain in the wallet.’ 

‘Seen it before?’ asked Connor. 

‘Every time she comes here.’  

Connor liked Josh, but he seemed impervious to the clientele. He made a note to dig into Josh’s previous date comment. 

The music stopped and Magnus’ recorded voice came over the speaker. 

‘Ladies and gentlemen. It’s come to that hour. Tiiiiime for last orders at the bar!’ 

‘Get us another Chardonnay, Josh,’ screeched a voice. 

He brought the new bottle over and cleared the table once again. Squadron Leader and his friend were hanging in. Marie took her phone, snapped a face and saved the number. 

Lindsey tottered off to the bathroom.  

‘And three more beers!’ said one wingman. Josh returned and got a tip. 

The bouncers started ushering people out. One pilot collected a kiss and a squeeze. Stella put her arms around Josh, planting lipstick on his cheek. 

‘It’s been a pleasure, mesdames. See you next week,’ he said to the departing group. Lindsey linked arms through Marie’s and Stella’s and they staggered home. 

The Forge doors were locked and the final clean-up and restocking started. The tables and bar were wiped and the concrete floor mopped. Josh and Connor sat together. 

‘What am I missing?’ asked Connor. ‘These girls are fitties and they love you!’ 

‘When you look Marie, Stella and Lindsey, what do you see?’ 

‘Some serious nice-looking women!’ 

‘Do you ever see a partner? If they’re so hot, why are they single?’  

Connor tipped the whiskey down.  

‘I dated one and swore never again. She drank a bottle of wine on her own that night and has a case delivered every month. I cooked her dinner. She told me she’s never cooked a meal. Everything comes out of a packet.’ 

‘But Stella’s a hottie.’ 

‘Hot as hell! Brown knee-length boots, brown tights, short skirt, plunge neckline and great hair. They eat and drink shit all week and do three shape-up classes to look good for a Friday.’ 

‘Is that why you call them white wine crazies?’ asked Connor. 

‘When the one I dated ended, she came into the bar and screamed like a crazy. I got fired. That’s why I don’t mix bars and girls.’ 

‘You two did great tonight,’ said Magnus. ‘Tips and an extra twenty for being the top-selling station.’ 

Josh walked to his city centre apartment, with over £100 in tips. He saw the crazies from other bars staggering along Bridge Street. Some were in deep embraces with new friends or shouting their goodbyes.  

He checked his dating app. He couldn’t write on his profile  

Normal guy seek normal girl. No white wine crazies. Please! 

Connor was new to bar work and wasn’t cynical. Josh had all but stopped drinking because he disliked how people acted when drunk. Connor saw Marie’s number written on a five pounds note. No harm in testing his boss’ theory!  

© Peter Hardman 2026